ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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