Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
