You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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