Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
