He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
