It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
