I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
