I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
