Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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