what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
