I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
