if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
