About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again