If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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