sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?