I think I died a long time ago.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.