Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now