and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience