Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
