But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.