don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We need to get me chipped asap
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
