I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
