i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.