Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook

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  (517): i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook http://tfl.nu/5f2q
  Replies (3) Good night (766) Bad night (938)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+

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  (704): One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+ http://tfl.nu/62eq
  Replies (91) Good night (25360) Bad night (1228)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt

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  (609): i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt http://tfl.nu/t4r8
  Replies (25) Good night (12370) Bad night (1601)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator

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  (469): you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator http://tfl.nu/bsby
  Replies (21) Good night (7436) Bad night (1761)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.

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  (616): Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson. http://tfl.nu/7vwr
  Replies (16) Good night (1169) Bad night (4646)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.

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  (317): The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth. http://tfl.nu/e18q
  Replies (6) Good night (983) Bad night (2975)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.

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  (734): We found a swing set....it's in the front yard. http://tfl.nu/rzxv
  Replies (7) Good night (2429) Bad night (849)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.

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  (954): I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate. http://tfl.nu/yurv
  Replies (9) Good night (3860) Bad night (824)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room

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  (610): Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room http://tfl.nu/oqu1
  Replies (20) Good night (3697) Bad night (808)
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  (310): View more from California

  This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.

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  (310): This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to. http://tfl.nu/veao
  Replies (14) Good night (1129) Bad night (1512)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.

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  (952): It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix. http://tfl.nu/eau6
  Replies (3) Good night (698) Bad night (1179)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...

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  (+44): Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout... http://tfl.nu/yqu4
  Replies (3) Good night (318) Bad night (560)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.

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  (214): You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know. http://tfl.nu/12dn
  Replies (2) Good night (696) Bad night (251)
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  (714): View more from California

  Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!

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  (714): Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!! http://tfl.nu/8tee
  Replies (4) Good night (712) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.

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  (336): Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza. http://tfl.nu/t9n4
  Replies (0) Good night (404) Bad night (147)

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