Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"

  (616): View more from Michigan

  He did it well too

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  (616): His pickup line was "I'll eat you out" (616): He did it well too http://tfl.nu/h6lm
  Replies (57) Good night (8934) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.

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  (703): Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out. http://tfl.nu/rmo5
  Replies (7) Good night (3400) Bad night (1019)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them

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  (203): the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them http://tfl.nu/iz6h
  Replies (16) Good night (609) Bad night (3707)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years

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  (609): It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years http://tfl.nu/cjjj
  Replies (27) Good night (8687) Bad night (1733)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving

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  (262): just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving http://tfl.nu/vnp1
  Replies (21) Good night (5641) Bad night (929)
• Favorite

  (239): View more from Florida

  i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass

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  (239): i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass http://tfl.nu/a9ff
  Replies (12) Good night (3960) Bad night (1075)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.

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  (850): Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am. http://tfl.nu/2bm2
  Replies (9) Good night (2094) Bad night (969)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it

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  (818): The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it http://tfl.nu/3wsm
  Replies (5) Good night (1281) Bad night (2743)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober

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  (757): also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober http://tfl.nu/ijy4
  Replies (1) Good night (861) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins

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  (518): Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins http://tfl.nu/i33q
  Replies (7) Good night (3028) Bad night (776)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.

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  (541): Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity. http://tfl.nu/lznq
  Replies (2) Good night (695) Bad night (569)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed

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  (717): so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed http://tfl.nu/ot6x
  Replies (1) Good night (572) Bad night (330)
• Favorite

  (912): View more from Georgia

  I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.

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  (912): I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe. http://tfl.nu/1u5h
  Replies (12) Good night (2798) Bad night (506)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.

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  (202): I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part. http://tfl.nu/p8tj
  Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (1101)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"

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  (306): you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!" http://tfl.nu/t9vt
  Replies (1) Good night (749) Bad night (610)

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