Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar