At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.