Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
