I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
