i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize