I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
