yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
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