you guys were way drunker than both of me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
