you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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