were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
