Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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