She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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