guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
