I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
