when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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