There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
