If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
