the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
