we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
