My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
