We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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