Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize