So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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