His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
