You really coming over, don't trick.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
