Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
