remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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