my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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