my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
