The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
