Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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