I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
