By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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