The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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