I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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