can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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