The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
