i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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