my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
