Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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