so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
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Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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