You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
