you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
