FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
