How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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