Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
