Fuck appropriateness.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
