It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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