I haven't been this sober since birth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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