Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
