Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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