I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
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he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
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I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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