barbara walters just said penis...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
