True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
