So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
