Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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