I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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