I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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