im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
