It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Randomize
