dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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