how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
