Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
whose parrot is this?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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