I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
