You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
