Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
