Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
