i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
