I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
