His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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