Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
