Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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