I haven't been this sober since birth.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
