currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
