I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
