my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Randomize
