I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
